Pema Chodron says that the ego is like a room of your own...
"...a room with a view with the temperature and the smells and the music that you like. You want it your own way. You'd just like to have a little peace, you'd like to have a little happiness, you know, just 'gimme a break.' But the more you think that way, the more you try to get life to come out so that it will always suit you, the more your fear of other people and what's outside your room grows. Rather than becoming more relaxed, you start pulling down the shades and locking the door. When you do go out, you find the experience more and more unsettling and disagreeable. You become touchier, more fearful, more irritable than ever. The more you try to get it your way, the less you feel at home."
Actually, I'm pretty partial to having things go my way. And oh how I do like a room smelling of lavender, warm enough to sit around in yoga clothes, and the sounds sprinkled with acoustic indie beats. Also, I would not mind a gift certificate to Euphoria for my birthday. :)
Yeah, but life sometimes smells more like kitty litter, and feels like stiff joints, and is there any end to the problems that come knocking at our doors? How long will we let ego continue to delude us, when really most of the time it's quite impossible to have things go our way?
Not even in yoga. Not even on your mat (though if you happen to be at The Karma Garage, your mat actually IS in a beautiful room infused with lavender and melodic guitar notes - wink, wink). But your warrior pose might have just gone on 30 seconds longer than seems reasonable. Your fingers might never touch your toes. Muscles may spasm.
We could say ego is like a mat of your own. A mat where yoga flows effortlessly, muscles rise to every occasion, balance is never lost. But when that doesn't happen, what do you do? ...Try to notice that next time... Do you close the windows? Draw the shades? Lock the door. Close down? Beat yourself up? Fight with your body? Wish it were different? Wish you were different?
I used to encourage people to leave their egos on the coat rack before they entered the studio. But you know full well that ego is gonna hop off that hook and follow you right into class anyway. Probably gonna park its butt right behind you - like a shadow - maybe even keep up an ongoing dialogue.
We may continue to desire that perfect room and that perfect mat for a long, long time. But slowly...slowly...as we continue to practice...as we continue to cultivate curiosity about the situation, watching the habits of our mind with more awareness, introducing humor into the whole picture, having a little laugh at what a big deal we make of it all, always working with a spirit of loving kindness towards ourselves...slowly...that ego might begin to recede, becoming a smaller and smaller shadow...with less and less to say on the matter. Then our yoga practice comes to rest within the embrace of all that is difficult and all that is inescapable and all that is YOU...finding its own unique flow...bumps and all.
We could invite that flow right off our mats and into our lives - windows, doors and shades opening wide to a space where we can feel less separate - more connected - with it all.
We could practice that - feeling at home - on the mat as it is.
