Recently, while driving, I was listening to a DVD (already speaking volumes about my restlessness with driving), when I heard one of the characters quoting Pema Chodron. Well that was fun and unexpected for me. The quote was something about restlessness being a signal for us to listen more closely. There was no elaboration on the meaning really, which is probably why I'm still thinking about it today.
I sure know a lot of restless folks. People who seem to always have to be doing something - lots of "useful engines" out there, as Thomas the Tank would say. I wonder what they would feel if they stopped all that moving around. Boredom?
Someone once told me that someone once told her that boredom is the waiting room for feelings. Is that the thing we need to listen to more closely? When we're restless? If we just stay restless and bored, what will come up? Are we listening for our feelings?
I don't think of myself as one of those useful-engine-types, but goodness gracious I don't want to know how many times I check my email a day. When I think of all the mindless tasks I find myself needing to do... Eating. Cell phone calls. On-line Scrabble. : ) Always filling up space.
Some of us meditate, and boy is there is a lot of space there. Trungpa Rinpoche said that you have to sit to the point where you're just bored. Then sit through the restlessness of boredom. You may come to a place called cool boredom - that place where you're just okay being bored, and there's no compulsion to jump up or fill up the space. When my yoga teacher explained this to our class, I remember raising my hand to ask "then what happens?" She exclaimed, "Enlightenment!" Alright then.
Think I'll be restless for a long, long time.
In yoga we move a lot. But then again, there's a lot of staying. Especially in places where we'd rather not stay. Ever get left in suptavirasana for more than 5 minutes? Well THERE'S an exercise in restlessness for ya. How do you find cool boredom in suptavirasana? How do you get comfortable with being uncomfortable?
I think it takes a whole lot of compassion towards oneself. Loyalty to oneself. Steadfastness with oneself. I think it's like making friends with yourself. If you've ever had a friend you could sit silently with, neither of you feeling the need to fill in the space with conversation, both of you just so comfortable sitting together with all the quiet and no awkwardness - I think that's the kind of friend you need to be to yourself. Then maybe when something comes up - something that you should probably listen to closely - something uncomfortable perhaps - something that has enough restless energy to send you running to begin some important new project (where is that Swiffer mop?!!!), maybe you (I) could stop and stay, and with all the loyalty of a good friend, we could then tell ourselves that it's okay. Pull up a seat. Stay awhile.
Next time I go for a long drive, I can't wait to pop in the next episode of my show, and see what happens to that character's restlessness. Or maybe...I won't. Maybe I'll just drive...and see what happens to MY restlessness.
