How to Meditate...

Or Instructions for Life.

Or Fifty-Two Ways to Lose It over a Bad Cup of Coffee.

(take your pick)

When you call up images of meditation, perhaps you call up visions of bliss. There is this figure, sitting in a Buddha-like posture, wearing serenity upon her face. And maybe you think - yeah, that’s it. I want to feel like that. Calgon – take me away!!! I need to order up some peace, please – extra tranquility on the side.

So.... You can begin with that. That desire for peace and for a sense of - settling down? Settling down amongst the unthinkable chaos that life somehow has become? How ‘bout just five minutes of quiet.

You begin....

Take a seat. Traditionally, that seat is on the ground, perhaps on a cushion, or on any support that allows you to assume an upright posture. However, you might very well be in your car at the parking lot outside Staples, because you bear a three page list of items without which your child just cannot show up to the first day of school. And guess what – you are not a monk sitting in a beautiful monastery with fancy back-supporting meditation accessories. You take your seat, wherever you can find it. Take your seat. Take it like it is yours. Take it like it is your God-given-right. Take it like a breath of oxygen. Take it .... because you really need it right now. Like this is the first time it ever occurred to you .... that you deserve this. A freaking seat. Some support.

You know what though? You may have made some time for yourself. You may have sat yourself right down in the middle of that period of time. Then you find yourself thinking - THIS is uncomfortable. : ) and Um - where’s the Calgon?

Lesson # 1: meditation is not bliss.

Right, you say - I’m off for a bubble bath then.

Come back. Because if you want to learn instructions for a life without exorbitant suffering, you need to take the hot seat. Come back. Because settling down - within the chaos of your claustrophobic mind - does not come with an infusion of lavender. Come back. Because by now you know the saying - nothing in life worthwhile comes easy.

Take your seat. With inescapable you. Who is worth ALL of this.

Take your seat AWAKE. Awake but relaxed. Paying attention but softening. Focus. Open. Ooopen. Ooooooopen.

Open your eyes, too. Half-way. Let them softly gaze upon a single point about three to six feet in front of you on the ground (or somewhere in the middle of your dashboard?). Let this gaze be soft enough to take in the periphery. Remain open to the room. To its sounds even. To its temperature. Remain open to it all. Open to the space outside of you. Open to the space inside of you.

My Lord, it is Grand Central Station in here! MY mind....is fricking Grand Central Station.

Okay. That is your experience. That is a very fine experience. Because, maybe, for the first time ever, you know that your mind is Grand Central Station. And the key to peace is not Calgon – it is in fact this new awareness. It’s the ability to watch your grand central thoughts without purchasing a ticket and taking a ride to Westport, Connecticut....or wherever Metro North happens to be heading at this hour. Or at least, if you DO find yourself in Westport, you can come all the way back in an instant - to the home that is you - on the wave of one breath.

You sit. You come to your breath. You notice your breath. Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out. .... “Well all I wanted was a cup of coffee – regular coffee – two sugars – whole milk – I HATE skim milk – she KNOWS that! – she doesn’t care – she doesn’t care about me – she doesn’t care about ANYthing – not even my kid’s birthday by the way – was it too difficult to pick up a small gift or something? – get a card? – I can’t believe my baby is nine years old now – time is moving so fast – I remember the day she was born – man, that obstetrician was a pain in the ass – all I wanted was a fricking epidural – next time I think I’ll go to the birthing center anyway – but how I HATE to give up coffee when I’m pregnant – it’s like going into a four day coma – and besides, there is nothing as good as a good cup of coffee – keep your Splenda – AND your skim milk - and God damn it, what the hell is so difficult about making a decent cup of coffee!” .... Breath in. Oh! I’m back. Whew. Where’d I go? Okay. Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out. .... ”I sure could use a good cup of coffee right now.” : )

And that’s it. Right now, that’s your experience of meditation. You are bearing witness to the chaos of your mind. And maybe it’s like that. A cocktail of some things benign, some things triggered with anger, causes of frustration, worries about the future, perseveration on the past, wonder, anxiety...and yes, PANIC – for a good cup of coffee – an ordinary, bourgeois, modern day complaint. And all of these experiences count. Because when we learn to deal with these, we can maybe move on to the bigger stuff - like...cancer. We practice. We practice small. With cups of coffee. We learn to make space around our discomforts. First, we learn to see them. Then maybe, we learn to laugh at them. Then possibly, we try something different the next time we can’t get a good cup of coffee. Maybe, we experience a curiosity for - dare I say - 1% milk? - or – ehem – soy milk? Okay, slow down there, sailor.

Right, so these are the instructions for meditation in a nut shell:
1. Take your seat with a soft gaze on the ground before you.
2. Become aware of your breath, and stay with your observation of that, but be soft enough to keep open to the feelings of space both inside and outside of you.
3. When you find yourself lost in thought and become aware of this, be thankful to find yourself present again. Let go of those thoughts, and come back to the home that is you. Simply come back to your breath - the one thing that is always present.

But here is the main thing:

Be gentle with you.

Truly, there is only one honest window into your mind....and it is through the window of compassion.

Be gentle with you.

Hardening comes easy and brings with it so much pain. Soften.

Be gentle with you.

If you come to your meditation practice - or to your life - or to the coffee shop - with a judgement of how it is all supposed to go - then that is a self-injurious thing.

Be gentle with you.